


Serum Veritas

by nanianela



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Castiel, Drabble, Fluff, M/M, Schmoop, Truth Serum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2015-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-16 20:32:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3501884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanianela/pseuds/nanianela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After ganking a witch, Sam and Dean pick up a bottle labeled "Serum Veritas" that would come in handy for interrogations later. When Cas is acting more and more suspicious about his condition, Dean decides to slip him just a drop- and the brothers learn all kinds of unexpected things. Just a quick schmoopy drabble I wrote because that's apparently what I do when I have more midterms than I know what to do with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Serum Veritas

**Author's Note:**

> I don't usually do one shots and I didn't really do much editing. Sorry if this isn't that great !

"Hoooooly shit," Sam groaned and he sunk into the couch in the living room. "I'm not getting any younger, I'll tell you that." 

"Do those witches keep getting smarter or is that just me?" Dean complained back, fishing through the fridge. "Here," He grunted and tossed a pack of frozen peas at Sam. "You can eat 'em when they thaw, too. I know how much you love your rabbit food." 

"Shhhuddup," Sam groaned and pressed the pack to his face. "Go put that stuff away. Someplace safe." 

"Oh. Right." Dean couldn't believe he'd almost forgotten. He pressed his hand to the cylinder shape sitting in his pocket- the small vial of liquid they'd stolen from the witches's home after they'd ganked her- a smooth glass bottle with a tiny eyedropper with a yellowing label that was beginning to peel- _Serum Veritas._

"Dude," Dean had said, nodding at it while Sam was doubled over, holding his head in his hands and moaning. "We should _take_ that shit. No more torture? How bout it?" He waggled his eyebrows. 

" _What_ -? Wha- sure, I guess?" Sam had squinted up at him, clearly not as enthusiastic in his condition. "Can we get out of here now?" 

Dean slipped the thing out of his pocket and tipped it back and forth, the liquid inside was somewhat yellow and it had this weird shimmery sheen to it, like the rainbow of petrol on asphalt. They could probably keep it somewhere in the basement, tucked away for when they'd give a drop to a stubborn demon or God-knows-what-else. 

Dean whistled as he made his way through the bunker to the stairs, when he heard a wet, racking cough coming from Castiel's bedroom. His ears pricked- the angel seemed to be fighting through the coughing spasms to talk. 

"P-please," He hacked. "Brothers....sisters..... _chh..chh_...anyone...in heaven, I need...your help...."

Dean tried to ignore it and just keep walking, but after a few steps he screwed up his face, thought _screw it,_ and knocked on the door. Immediately, Dean could tell he was trying to stifle his coughs more. 

"Hey, buddy, do you need some water or tea or something?" Dean called through the door. "You'll hack up a lung if you keep going on like that." 

He waited for a response. Poor Cas was probably going blue in the face inside trying to keep any more coughs from rising up. 

"Y-yes please," He answered, his voice strained. Dean felt a sudden flare of anger- they were supposed to tell each other things. Why did he keep hiding his condition from him? How bad was it, and how much worse was he getting? Goddammit, _anything_ would at least take some of his fretting away. 

The tea kettle whistled, Dean ripped open the chamomile- Cas's favorite- and added the honey and watched it dissolve in the yellow stained water. 

Yellow?

"Hmm." Dean said, pinching the tiny bottle between two fingers and tipping the liquid back and forth once again. "How bad could just a drop be?" 

* * *

 

Cas drank the tea, and Dean had no idea what to expect. But if he was being honest, he hadn't expected exactly _nothing_. 

"You, uh, you good?" Dean asked when he put the empty mug on the bedside table. Cas nodded and yawned. "I might join Sam for some television. We like to discuss theories on _Lost_." 

Dean chuckled. _Nerds_. Maybe the heat had denatured the stuff, anyway. Oh well. He hadn't really expected much to happen, anyway. 

"Alright, geek out. But _tell_ me if you need stuff, okay? You're...you're family, Cas, you're not a guest and you're not a burden to us. Just- let me take care of you, deal?" 

"All right." Cas huffed and slowly stood up. "Thank you for the tea." 

He barely made it to the doorway before his eyes rolled back into his head and he toppled over like a puppet whose strings had been cut. 

" _Cas_!" Dean leapt and just barely caught him. His head had still hit the floor, somewhat. Not as badly as if Dean hadn't been there to soften the blow. 

"Oh, shit." 

....................

The angel's head throbbed something awful, and he heard soft mumurs coming from nearby. 

" _Mmmm_ ," Cas groaned from the couch, and Sam and Dean leapt up from where they were sitting to crowd around him, wide-eyed and blinking.

"Well?" Dean began. "Howya feeling?"

"Like I passed out and hit my head falling." Cas replied, gingerly held his forehead and glared at the two of them, especially Dean. "You gave me a _truth serum?_!"

"How did you-what are you looking at me for?" Dean was flabbergasted at how quickly he'd figured it all out. He'd expected at least some confusion.

"I want you out." Cas said bluntly, then rolled over to face the cushions, curling his back toward them. "I want Dean gone."

"Cas-"

"Do what he says," Sam insisted, his eyebrows drawing down over his eyes and he put a hand comfortingly on Cas's back. "You really...goddammit Dean, what the hell! What you did..it..it wasn't okay!"

"I only want Sam right now." Cas mumbled into the cushions, and Dean seethed.

"I only wanted to-"

" _Dean-!_ "

"Fine!" He stormed away and slammed the door behind him.

"Cas, I'm so sorry man. Look, I can leave too, if you want, we won't come back until the effects have worn off." Sam squeezed his shoulder.

"You're so kind to me, Sam." Cas replied softly and with such earnestly that it made his heart squeeze in his chest. He finally rolled back around to face him. "It brings me happiness when I tell others that you are like my brother. You are the best friend I've ever had."

"You're..uh..." Sam struggled. Damn, that stuff must have been potent. His heart felt all twisted up in his chest. People don't just _say_ these things aloud. "You too," Sam managed to cough and then clear his throat, a blush starting on his cheeks.

"Now you see why I wished for Dean to leave the room." Cas sighed dejectedly and stared at his half-curled fist, his eyes closing in a long blink.

"Cas, how did you know what he did?" Sam asked.

"I've been drugged with it before." Cas sighed. "The first time I came to Earth. But instead of give information that would harm heaven, I used my angel blade to cut out my own tongue and damage my mouth and jaw beyond repair." He paused. "I didn't want to have to do the same in this situation," He said flatly, as if it hadn't been an excruciatingly painful experience. 

"Yeah, man. He shouldn't have given you too much to start with. Don't..uh.. _hurt_ yourself again, okay?"

"I won't do that again in this situation." Cas replied. "I trust you, Sam. This potion makes it painful if you don't say what is on your mind to someone. That's the worst part, so you'll have to keep asking questions. But I'm all right with you hearing what I have to say."

"Okay," Sam whispered in reply, overwhelmed to say the least. "I..."

"I know you had a fascination with angels and higher beings long before you met me. I can't help the things I'm saying, Sam, please forgive me. I don't want to overwhelm you. But you are a most trusted friend." Cas gave him a grim smile. "I really wish I wasn't in this predicament right now."

"I'm sorry about Dean, Jesus, I really am. That was a dick move." Sam shook his head. "Why do you think he...?"

"He wants to know what I hide from him." Cas replied plainly. "I'm not sure what, exactly. But he is often frustrated by what I don't tell him, what I keep to myself. This must have had to do with it. He wanted to know about the severity of my condition, most likely. How much longer I have to live, which isn't long. I'm able to hear almost all of his thoughts when the subject is me, because of how vaguely defined a prayer is. He.... sometimes thinks about me when he masturbates, his thoughts...well, they come in like prayers to me." Cas blushed and hid his face even more. "He doesn't know I know. He also doesn't know I know that he picks porn with black-haired men with scruff and a deep voice so he can substitute me for them sometimes. It's his guiltiest secret. He pretends that the fact he thinks women's panties would be nice to wear is his worst secret, but he knows its not. That is. I know he wants to have sex with me, Sam, but...I don't want to have sex with him." Cas stopped for a breather.

"Sam, this is not fun." He griped.

Sam was extremely red in the face. "Oh my god," He breathed into his palm. "Cas...I just...holy shit." 

"I'm sorry if this comes as a shock." Cas mumbled. 

"Well..." Sam began. "I guess it's not that big of a shock. It's just TMI. _Wayyyyyy_ TMI." 

"I know. I'll try my best to keep more details out of it. Like how Dean wants to-" 

"Okay! Whoa, whoa, you can stop there. Well, if you need questions, uh, Cas why..uh.. don't you..?" He asked and then made a face. "You owe me for this, man. Asking about my brother's sex life. _Blegh_."

"I fully intend on repaying you someway or another for this, Sam, and again I'm incredibly sorry for all of this information." Cas took a deep breath. "I'm...not interested in physical relationships. But I'm in love with Dean." 

Poor Sam just couldn't keep up with all this raw truth. That bomb was dropped with no warning, just tacked on to the end of that sentence.

" _You're_..?"

"In love with Dean." Cas repeated, easily as anything. "It started slowly, but then I fully realized a long time ago that I'd fallen very much in love with him. Purgatory...made me feel it even stronger. We shared a few moments there that were more intimate than ever before. Some nights were incredibly cold, so we had to huddle for warmth. Dean gave me more physical touches than normal there, which makes sense because of his constant anxiety in that realm, he wanted to reassure himself of my presence there with him. Once it was very dark but we had to go on the move to avoid monsters on our trail so we held hands for quite some time as he led me. He liked to squeeze to check on me and make sure I was okay since we didn't want to talk and be conspicuous. His hands were callused but warm so I didn't care very much how rough they were and I...really liked that, Sam. And to answer your question, I don't want to fornicate with him because I am asexual."

"Oh," Sam managed to reply through his hands. "Thank God."

"Yes, literally. He didn't give angels a sex drive because we are his soldiers and we do not copulate. He designed us that way." Cas explained wearily. "I do wish that I could kiss him sometimes. Not often. Sometimes that moment feels right but it passes again and another one won't come again for a long while. Once when I drove in the passenger's seat I saw his hand resting right in between us and I wanted to just reach out and hold it, Sam, and I almost did. I stopped myself. But I love him so much sometimes it hurts my chest to think about. Him loving me back is one of the only things in the world that I really want. The other is how much I want a family- I want a family so badly, I...I wish that Claire was my real daughter, I know she's not perfect but I want to be her father anyway, she called me Dad the other day and I wish she would do that all the time. I wish I could have a son. I wish I had a baby to take care of and raise. I want a family so I can love them and know I'm loved in return. I...I want to kiss Dean and show him he's loved too. I wish that I could hold his face between my palms and just press ourselves close and every time he tried to protest, to say he didn't deserve it or me or love I would tell him otherwise and give him kisses until he believes me. I want him to be _happy_ , Sam. I'm tired of seeing him suffer." 

"Yeah." Sam cleared his throat in embarrassment again. "Yeah, well, I'll agree with you on that one." 

"I just wish there were something more I could do to take his pain away." Cas slid to sit up and stared at Sam, his eyes weary and his hair messy on one side where it had been pressed to the couch. He crooked an elbow and held his cheek in his palm, leaning dejectedly on the armrest. "Now my chest hurts from saying all those things aloud. I didn't think being in love would be so painful. It is nice, sometimes. When he smiles at me." He shuddered out a sigh and closed his eyes. "Sometimes I thought because I wasn't human I could never understand. When I first met Dean, I was repulsed. He had fresh blood on his face, he was elbows deep in an abdomen and ripping guts out with his bare hands. And he was laughing." 

Sam shuddered. 

"I forced him away and he lashed out at me, he'd killed a few others who'd tried to capture him and I was mortified. But I had to do my heavenly duty, I had to do what my brothers and sisters couldn't. I caught hold of him, pulled him up and away, and the closer we got to Earth, the more he clung to me, the more his real soul pulsed through the filth that had accumulated around it in a shell, and it was...I was enraptured." 

"Cas, all these years, why haven't you..." Sam asked, trying not to be insensitive. "Uh, well, gone for it?"

He took a deep breath. "I don't want to ruin everything we have already. And Dean- Dean isn't ready." He looked away. "Maybe some of it's my fault too. We had a chance, once. It was in Purgatory, it was cold and we'd found some alcohol on one of the monster's bodies. We built a bonfire and passed it back and forth, and when everything got fuzzier and we were both getting intoxicated we wrapped that blanket we made out of stolen coats around ourselves and we got so close, his hands were holding my face and our foreheads were pressed up together but...he said it would change everything. He wanted to wait." 

 "I don't want to die, Sam." Cas whispered, finally meeting his eyes. "I try to hide it, I try to pretend I'm unafraid. But I...I am afraid. I don't want to leave you all behind." 

"How much longer...?" Sam asked softly, reaching out and clasping his hands in his. Sam's chest hurt even more than his knocked head.  

"Not long," Cas replied, lowering his eyes in shame. "Half a year, maybe eight months." 

"Oh, Cas." Was all Sam managed to say.

Cas cocked his head to the side, and a lock of hair flopped over with it. He scrunched up his face in confusion. "Why are you crying, Sam?" 

"I don't know," Sam chuckled through the moisture in his voice. "I guess I just never thought of you as..y'know, being vulnerable. Being able to die in the first place." 

"Sometimes I think about how you would be my brother-in-law." Cas tried to cheer him up. "That always makes me very happy." 

Sam tackled him into a big bear hug before he could react. 

"Your hugs make me feel very safe," Cas managed to squeeze out through the bone-crushing hug, patting him on the back.

"I could get used to this," Sam cracked a joke.

"Please don't," Cas mumbled, hiding his eyes with one hand. "The humiliation of everything I've just said is just now beginning to sink in." 

Sam laughed and sat next to him, letting him bury his reddening face into his chest. 

* * *

"Cas?" Dean hollered through the bunker. It had been hours now, and neither of them had even gotten a glimpse of him. " _Caaaas_ , where are you?" 

Dean continued to jog on foot through the rest of the bunker, making sure to check each room one more time. There was the one last place- the basement. 

Dean nearly passed right by him, if it weren't for that faint rustling sound. The black feathers blended in almost perfectly in the dark, as he huddled into his wings that were shielding him from everything, tucked away underneath the basement stairs. 

"Cas," Dean breathed in relief and went up to him, crouching before the feathery ball. "Hey, you had me 'n Sam worried sick." He reached out and tentatively touched a feather, and with a loud rustle the raven-black feathers pulled together even tighter. 

"Hey, anybody home? Hello?" Dean lightly teased, taking a finger and gently parting two feathers. Through the small sliver he saw Cas's wide blue eyes peering out at him, the rest of his face hidden and pressed up to his tucked in knees. 

"Go away," He mumbled, closing his eyes and sliding his flushed face further down until all Dean could see was his messy hair. 

"I know you're probably hungry," Dean teasingly took a primary feather between two fingers and gently ran his fingers down. "I made dinner. It's your favorite." 

"I'm still angry at you." Cas spoke into his folded arms. "How could you do that to me?" 

 "Because I couldn't stand it anymore." Dean's voice grew softer. He softly shouldered one of Cas's wings, and Cas let him. Dean reached for his face, and gently held his chin between his pointer finger and thumb. Cas's eyes darted back and forth, searching his features. 

"How long?" Dean asked. Cas lowered his head in shame, and Dean cupped the side of his face instead. 

"You didn't have to _drug_ me to get an answer," Cas mumbled grumpily, still glancing off to the side so he wouldn't have to look him in the eyes. 

"Cas..."

"Six months." Cas replied, sighing. "Eight, if we're lucky." 

"So how are we supposed to stop it?" Dean growled. 

"I don't know, Dean." Cas replied wearily, meeting his eyes again. Dean's rough thumb swiped over his lips, and Cas's eyes fluttered closed. His lips parted just slightly in his thumb's wake. Cas's breath quickened and he looked away again, Dean keeping his palm cupped to the side of his face. "How much did Sam tell you?"  

"Not a lot," Dean chuckled. "He's a good friend." 

"I know." 

"But you know me. I wouldn't have given up that easily in the beginning if I wasn't planning on listening in a little." 

The two met each other's eyes, and Dean pressed his palm against the back wall,  until they were breathing the same air. 

" _Dean_..." Cas whispered, leaning forward closer to him until their noses were just barely touching. 

"I don't want to wait anymore, Cas." Dean growled, and his forehead fell forward to press against Cas's. "I'm sick of waiting." 

 Cas reached up and cradled the sides of Dean's face, cupping his jawbones. "But, what about what you said in Purgatory-" 

"That was a long time ago." Dean interrupted him in a hush. "And if you're dying, Cas, goddammit-" 

Cas's wings rustled softly as they circled closer around Dean, the primary feathers pressing up against Dean's back like an extra pair of weightless flat fingers, holding him closer. Dean was propped up on his knees, and Cas's cobalt eyes were wide and innocent, darting back and forth and searching Dean's face just a few inches above his. The angel's lips were parted and quickened breaths puffed out from between them.

"Do you want this?" Dean asked in a whisper.

Cas's eyelids fell closed. "God yes," He breathed. "I-" 

Dean smiled softly, not enough to part his lips but enough to crinkle up the corners of his eyes and he closed the gap between them, gently pressing his lips to Cas's and slipping his hand to the nape of the angel's neck, tufts of dark hair sticking up between his fingers. Cas guided him, both hands holding his face and his thumbs pressed down just in front of Dean's ears on either side, as he let the kiss tip him back. 

Dean pulled away for just a second, taking Cas's chin between two fingers and guiding him, pulling down gently to open up his mouth and for the first time Cas could sense the teeth in his mouth as he worked it open and closed up against his. The back of the angel's head pressed up against the cold cement of the wall, but Dean's nose was warm in how it slotted against his, his lips even warmer. 

A happy laugh bubbled its way up into his throat, and he curled his wings in even more, pulling Dean closer. The two of them slid to the floor in a thump, laying horizontal. Dean's nose smushed up to the angel's cheek and he laughed into Cas's jaw, his hand fisted into the angel's coat. The two of them met each other's eyes again, and Cas looked so overwhelmed that Dean felt his chest balloon up from the inside so hard it was almost painful.

"God _damn_ it Cas, we're idiots." Dean chuckled. 

Cas was too breathless to reply. Dean grinned toothily and propped his elbows up with Cas in between them. He crouched over his angel and near suffocated him with kisses. 

 When the rumpled pair showed up for dinner twenty minutes late for dinner smelling like basement dust, Sam pretended he didn't notice as he bit into his hamburger.

Dean lazily carded his fingers through the hair at the base of Cas's head and played with a little curl that hung at the base of his neck that night as they slumped on the couch and watched movies, until Cas got too sleepy and wound up against Dean, resting his head on his shoulder and dozing off. 

Sam rustled through the cupboards for a snack, and his wrist bumped the little glass vial they'd stolen from the witch's house. It wobbled a second and he quickly grabbed it before it could fall and break on the counter. "Hey, Dean?" Sam called from the kitchen as Dean still watched the television in the living room, his arm hooked around Cas.

Dean just barely turned his head to look. "What?"

"I'm taking this stuff away and you're probably never, _ever_ going to see it again." 

Dean scoffed, flipped him the bird, and then pressed his cheek up to Cas's temple and held him a little closer. 

Sam shoot his head and after tipping the clear-yellow liquid back and forth, pocketed the vial. "Idiots." 


End file.
